I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
