you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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