Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
