he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
