I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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