why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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