When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
