Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
