After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
