I skipped work to stalk him.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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