Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
