Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
