Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
