Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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