There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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