i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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