If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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