i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
