Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
