Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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