i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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