I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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