I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
