I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
