i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
