I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
