is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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