Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
