i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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