My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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