I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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