youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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