shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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