I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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