im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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