Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
