she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
