The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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