I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
