The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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