yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
