I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
