So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
