is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
There's a naked man in my car right now.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
