I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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