Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
