I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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