Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
