Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
