you turned your livingroom into a bong?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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