yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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