I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
