youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
