He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
